Monday, November 26, 2007
Star Wars Is The Most Violent Movie Ever
Star Wars is of the most violent movies of all time. Fuckin' Alderaan explodes in the first fifteen and it's a total global genocide. I get sick to my stomach every time the Death Star nuts over the surface, causing a million voices to go silent all at once. It's a snuff film, don't tell me different.
Reel Killing
I was suffering through Godzilla the other day and thought to myself: "Boy, half this fucking city is dead."
A US Military evacuation of the entire isle of Manhattan is tantamount to Helen Keller clearing the dinner table, so there's no way the US military is going to get it right the first time.
So when Godzilla begins making holes in the city, knocking over shit like a fat woman in a broom closet, I did some loose math. Figure 15% of the population stays behind for dumb reasons like being medically impaired or a commitment to their china doll collections. From that, figure enough damage is done that 40% of those people are harmed, and maybe half of them die from untreated injuries.
That's about 153,720 dead. I figure the math is one hundred percent correct because it's hard enough to get me to the Sizzler* when I want it, so forcing me to do something when I don't. That figure is also helped because it's not like Godzilla was known for delivering quick, painless deaths.
So just because you call it an 'adventure' doesn't mean you get to glaze over the senseless murder that happens in your world. If it happens off screen, it still happens. Just because they don't talk about it, doesn't mean its not there. For parents and viewers to be aware, some films will need a kill count. Not just a body count, but a reel kill count.
*The Sizzler chain has been gone for a very long time, but I reserve the right to reference like its still around whenever I god damn want.
A US Military evacuation of the entire isle of Manhattan is tantamount to Helen Keller clearing the dinner table, so there's no way the US military is going to get it right the first time.
So when Godzilla begins making holes in the city, knocking over shit like a fat woman in a broom closet, I did some loose math. Figure 15% of the population stays behind for dumb reasons like being medically impaired or a commitment to their china doll collections. From that, figure enough damage is done that 40% of those people are harmed, and maybe half of them die from untreated injuries.
That's about 153,720 dead. I figure the math is one hundred percent correct because it's hard enough to get me to the Sizzler* when I want it, so forcing me to do something when I don't. That figure is also helped because it's not like Godzilla was known for delivering quick, painless deaths.
So just because you call it an 'adventure' doesn't mean you get to glaze over the senseless murder that happens in your world. If it happens off screen, it still happens. Just because they don't talk about it, doesn't mean its not there. For parents and viewers to be aware, some films will need a kill count. Not just a body count, but a reel kill count.
*The Sizzler chain has been gone for a very long time, but I reserve the right to reference like its still around whenever I god damn want.
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